


Hit Me

by hongbab



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9790862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongbab/pseuds/hongbab
Summary: "I dare you to kiss me."





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from [3 hours](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS8ncvHVojI) by Emika.  
> Recommended songs: your favourite sad songs (tip: I have a sad VIXX playlist and I listened to that while writing)

___[Only](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS8ncvHVojI) lonely when I stand by you_  
_You kept on leaning while I stood for two_  
_Two words make a pointless apology_

 

 

 

Wonshik’s eyes closed on their own as he lay in the grass with a cigarette between his right index and middle fingers, taking a drag of it and slowly exhaling the smoke. The weight on his thighs shifted and he felt the sweaty spots on his shorts even more now, the two bodies too hot under the setting July sun—it was unpleasant, but bearable.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Hongbin asked from where he was lying across Wonshik's body, legs propped up on top of the other’s thighs.

“Sleep,” Wonshik replied and took another drag.

“No fun,” Hongbin said, fidgeting.

“Stop squirming around,” Wonshik said slowly, but all he got as an answer was a dismissive groan.

“I ordered booze,” Hongbin announced a few moments later.

“Jaehwan?”

“Yeah. Said he’d be here in ten minutes.”

“I don’t really want to drink,” Wonshik said, stubbing his cigarette out in the grass and looking at Hongbin. Locks of his black fringe stuck to his forehead from the sweat and he looked just as tired as Wonshik felt, but his eyes shone brightly like they always did when he was determined to have some fun. Truth be told, Wonshik had slightly different ideas about having fun, and drinking just because they could wasn’t one of them at the moment. “I want to take a shower, maybe watch a film, and sleep.”

“Too late,” Hongbin replied, smiling sweetly, knowing full well Wonshik wouldn’t just stand up and leave him there.

Wonshik didn’t. He shut his eyes and let his mind drift away into the realm of emptiness, trying to relax as much as he could until Jaehwan would arrive.

Jaehwan arrived more than twenty minutes later when Wonshik was _just_ about to fall asleep for real; he threw a plastic bag full of heavy beer cans and what Wonshik suspected was a large bottle of vodka on the patch of grass by Wonshik's head, yelling, “I’m here!” as if that wasn’t painfully obvious.

“You are _late_!” Hongbin accused him way too loudly, making Wonshik frown in annoyance as they both scrambled to sit up.

“For what?” Jaehwan asked, sitting down in their incomplete circle cross-legged, digging into the plastic bag. He shooed away a moth that was attracted by the lamplight almost just above their heads, everything else ink blue around them. Wonshik flinched when the moth came too close to him, earning a smirk from Jaehwan.

“You said you’d be here in ten minutes,” Hongbin fumed. “It took you half an hour! I don’t even want to drink anymore.”

“Good,” Wonshik mumbled, but then Jaehwan shoved an open can of beer into his hand.

“Stop being a whiny baby,” Jaehwan told Hongbin who stared daggers at him in turn. “I’m here, I got you alcohol, and you two owe me thirty bucks.”

“Don’t have any on me right now,” Hongbin grumbled, taking a sip of his beer and casting a look at Wonshik from the corner of his eye.

“Stop fucking living off me,” Wonshik grumbled, reaching into the back pocket of his denim shorts and taking out some money. “This is all I have right now,” he said pushing it into Jaehwan's open palm.

 “I can’t wait for you guys to finally turn eighteen,” Jaehwan sighed, tucking the money into his own pocket. “It’s a pain in the ass to be your personal delivery man.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t need you in half a year,” Hongbin said, patting Wonshik's knee. “Once he turns eighteen in February, you won’t be forced to attend these _awful_ gatherings where you get to drink with us and always manage to get smashed enough to sleep in ditches.”

“Always a pleasure, talking to you, dear Hongbin,” Jaehwan replied sarcastically, and took a few big gulps of his beer.

Wonshik rather just wanted Hongbin to knock himself out so they would be able to finally go home and sleep, but he kept drinking his own beer—he would have been made to, if he hadn’t been doing it by himself, anyway.

It took them three beers each to finally open the vodka, Jaehwan drinking it like it was water and having to fight with Hongbin for the bottle. As for Wonshik, his vision was way too fuzzy already to focus his eyes without squinting, but he managed to grab the neck of the bottle during one particularly loud quarrel, having Hongbin lean into his side and press up against him as he watched Wonshik drink as much as he could without gagging. Jaehwan was screeching in the background, but Wonshik didn’t even spare him a look as he reached the bottle out for Hongbin.

“Good boy,” Hongbin slurred, grinning like a Cheshire cat—all mischief and naughtiness as he took a few swigs of the beverage.

“Ungrateful kids,” Jaehwan grumbled, snatching the bottle away from Hongbin as soon as he could. He drank some, wiping the vodka off his lips with his lower arm and looking up at Wonshik and Hongbin's huddled-up form. “Truth or dare. You guys in?”

“Seriously, how old are you, five?” Wonshik groaned, opening another can of beer.

“And how old are you? Sixty?” Jaehwan snapped. “You’ve been complaining all night.”

“I’m in,” Hongbin said, taking the beer out of Wonshik's hand so he could drink. When Wonshik looked at him judgingly, he smiled back.

"Great," Jaehwan said, drinking from the vodka bottle, more liquid landing in his lap than in his mouth. "Wonshik."

"Me?" Wonshik asked like there was a chance of Jaehwan having meant any other Wonshik. "Why me?"

“Truth or dare?”

“I don’t want to play.”

“Be nice and go along,” Hongbin commanded.

“Truth,” Wonshik sighed. “What a stupid game…”

Hongbin nudged him a little in annoyance, but Jaehwan didn't even seem to care about Wonshik's comment as he blurted out the question, bare and blunt, "Would you fuck me?"

Hongbin let out a snorting sound, splatters of beer landing on a shocked Wonshik's arm as he coughed, bending almost into half and trying to get the beer out of his windpipe. It took Wonshik a few seconds to regain consciousness and start patting Hongbin's back, trying to save his life while Jaehwan just stared at him, smirking.

"I'm fine," Hongbin rasped, straightening up and wiping the tears off his cheeks. Wonshik couldn't see well in the dim light of the lamp, but Hongbin's face seemed to be a suspiciously dark shade of purple. "Just answer him," he said, motioning at Jaehwan and coughing some more for good measure.

"I'm not going to answer him," Wonshik grumbled, and then looked at Jaehwan, repeating, "I'm not going to answer you. Idiot."

"Aw, just because Bin is an evolutionary dead-end?" Jaehwan asked, pouting like a child. “It’s not my fault he almost died.”

"No, because you're a vain asshole and I want to go home," Wonshik said, supporting himself by the bark of a nearby tree as he stood up.

"So you would," Jaehwan sniggered, hiding his laugh behind a hand.

"What the fuck makes you think I would?!" Wonshik snapped, letting Hongbin hold onto his hand and pull himself up from the ground, swaying as he let go of Wonshik's palm.

"You're blushing," Jaehwan shrugged.

Wonshik wanted to retort, but then there were two large eyes staring at his face from up close, Hongbin blinking curiously from one of his cheeks to the other and lifting up his hands to touch them. "You really are," he said, and Wonshik felt his originally hot skin heat up under Hongbin's palms even more. He batted Hongbin's hands away.

"I'm going home."

He started walking towards the pathway, dragging his feet and scuffing his shoes against the pebbles, listening to Hongbin explaining to Jaehwan that 'he gets like that when he's very sleepy', shouting his goodbyes at Jaehwan as if they hadn't been fighting a few minutes ago.

"Jesus," Hongbin panted when he finally caught up with Wonshik, hitting his shoulder hard, and earning a hiss and a glare from Wonshik. "Why did you get so angry?"

"I'm tired," Wonshik said.

"You haven't done anything tiring all day," Hongbin replied.

"We were up late last night, okay," Wonshik snapped, and Hongbin shot him an unimpressed glare. Wonshik rolled his eyes. "You almost choked."

"But I didn't," Hongbin said cheerfully, and skipped in front of Wonshik, making him reach out and brace himself against Hongbin's shoulders in order not to bump into him.

"What the fuck?"

"Truth or dare?" Hongbin asked, a devilish grin spreading across his face.

"I'm not playing."

"Truth or dare?" Hongbin asked again, taking Wonshik's hands off his shoulders and grabbing his wrists.

Wonshik furrowed his brow, scowling at Hongbin. "I'm not playing, Hongbin."

"Truth?" Hongbin whispered. "Or dare?"

Wonshik let out a sigh and honestly just wanted to writhe on the ground in agony, but finally looked down at Hongbin, replying, "Truth."

"Would you fuck Jaehwan?"

There was a moment of silence, thick and deep, and then, Hongbin started laughing so hard he had to let go of Wonshik's wrists and press his hands on his tummy. "You should see your face now," he heaved, twitching with laughter. "Haaah. Seriously, though, why is this such a sensitive topic for you? It's okay if you would."

"But I _wouldn't_ ," Wonshik said and he felt like a kid throwing a tantrum. "Why even are you both assuming I would?"

"I mean, I would," Hongbin said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Wonshik blurted out, eyes going so wide they started to hurt.

Hongbin turned around and walked towards the entrance of the park, in the general direction of Wonshik's house. Wonshik followed him, though it felt like the entire world had turned upside down, in more than one sense.

"Jaehwan is hot," Hongbin replied, finally, stepping onto the road. "He has a handsome face, nice body—especially his calves; his calves are to die for—, and his voice is pretty. Can you imagine him scream?" Hongbin glanced at Wonshik, and whatever he saw on Wonshik's face made him giggle. "Don't be so frigid. Tell me honestly, wouldn't you fuck him?"

"No, I wouldn't! Jesus Christ..."

"Why not?" Hongbin asked, truly curious.

"Because," Wonshik took a deep breath, mentally praying to God to suddenly possess the ability of teleporting so he could tuck Hongbin in in approximately three seconds and tell him to shut up and sleep. "Because I'm not— I'm not that gay."

"Not _that_ gay!" Hongbin cried out, cracking up again, and Wonshik pressed a hand over his mouth, cursing at him, but Hongbin broke free immediately. "What do you mean you're not _that_ gay? Just _how gay_ do you have to be to want to fuck Jaehwan, exactly?"

"I meant that he's totally not my type!" Wonshik whined, trying to save the last crumbles of his dignity, but his ears were already burning up, and he just wanted to disappear. "He's loud-mouthed and pompous and egoistic and narcissistic and— he's a dick."

"I agree," Hongbin said, chuckling. "And I'd only fuck him if I didn't know him, too. But no one told you you should _talk_ to him while fucking."

"As if he could shut up," Wonshik muttered. "He probably speaks through the whole thing, that's why he still doesn't have a boyfriend."

Hongbin snorted at that, almost falling face first to the ground when he tripped over a stone, only managing to stay upright because Wonshik caught his hand out of reflex which he still had, even though he could barely keep his eyes open. It made Hongbin giggle, and he laced his fingers with Wonshik's casually, making Wonshik's stomach do somersaults inside his body without a valid reason.

Hongbin was loud, way too loud—Wonshik tried to shush him so his parents wouldn't wake up to the ruckus taking his shoes off generated, but he was tumbling over the slippers Wonshik gave him, and snickering like there was a joke only he could understand. Wonshik guided him upstairs, most literally tossing him on his bed, and shutting the door immediately as Hongbin started laughing in earnest.

Wonshik shook his head, smiling, and shed his shorts, climbing into bed next to Hongbin, feeling the giggles bubble up from his own throat while Hongbin was shaking next to him, trying to suppress his noises, whimpers escaping through his fingers on his mouth.

"Wonshik," Hongbin whined.                                                                    

"Sleep, Bin."

"No, really," Hongbin chuckled, "hey."

"What?" Wonshik shoved Hongbin's shoulder, at which Hongbin curled up, burying his face into Wonshik's arm.

"Truth or dare?" he asked.

Wonshik sighed, grinning, but said, "Dare."

"I dare you to kiss me."

Wonshik pulled away to look at Hongbin whose tears were now streaming down his face as he laughed, all thirty-two teeth showing, and his eyes turning crescent moon shaped. Wonshik wanted to ask him if he was being serious, wanted to push him off the bed for being stupid, but he also really just wanted to do what Hongbin asked him to—had been wanting to do it for years.

He leaned down tentatively, heart pounding inside his chest and his pulse drumming in his ears, waiting for Hongbin to pull away, but he didn't, and Wonshik pressed his lips to Hongbin's smile. A small hand cupped his cheek, quite like when Hongbin had wanted to check if Wonshik had really been blushing back in the park, but his eyes were closed now when Wonshik blinked his own open for a moment, to see if this was really happening or if he was having drunken dreams.

Hongbin kissed him back, clumsy and sloppy, like he was not in control of his body anymore, and somewhere deep down Wonshik felt a little bad for being more sober than he was and still taking advantage of his state—somewhere deep down. On the surface, he was enjoying the small noises he managed to coax out of Hongbin: the moans, the whines, and the sound of a quick intake of breath, the way their lips sounded when they were pressed together.

It was Hongbin who made it all turn into something more, his hand that wasn't cupping Wonshik's cheek travelling down on his chest and rolling the hem of his T-shirt up, drawing back to say, "Take it off."

"Hongbin," Wonshik breathed, light-headed and quite dazed, "I'm not sure—"

"Just take it off," Hongbin demanded, ducking his head to bite down on the base of Wonshik's neck, making Wonshik cry out, his head spinning. "Please," Hongbin whispered into his skin, and Wonshik felt saliva drip down on his collarbone.

He took his shirt off, finding his way out of it becoming a difficult task for a few seconds, but when he finally freed himself from it, his breath hitched.

Hongbin pushed him down on the mattress, too much skin touching Wonshik's, and it took him a while to realize Hongbin had got rid of his own tank top, gorgeous body on full display. He resumed kissing Wonshik, taking his lower lip between his teeth and sucking on it like an expert, and Wonshik mentally thanked whoever the fuck had taught Hongbin to kiss like this.

His brain was short-circuiting from the way Hongbin's hands were wandering over his body, over a faint six pack Wonshik had been trying to form since he had been fifteen but didn't have enough resources for, over his chest and back down again, blunt nails tearing at his skin, making him groan into Hongbin's mouth. There were small fingers on the back of his hand, taking it roughly and bringing it between their bodies, pressing it to Hongbin's shaking stomach, lean and tight, and Hongbin sighed into the kiss, pleased, like he had been waiting for Wonshik to touch him for too long.

Wonshik wanted to feel him sigh like that again.

Wonshik's trembling fingers ran over a trail of small, soft hairs, almost invisible even in daylight, his fingertips grazing the waistband of Hongbin's jeans and stopping there. Hongbin pulled away, looking down at Wonshik with pupils almost fully blown in the filtered moonlight coming in through the curtains, sweaty fringe hanging before his eyes, and his lips looking swollen. Wonshik was feeling dizzy from all the blood leaving his head.

"Do you want it?" Hongbin asked, and shit, his voice could get even deeper than it normally was. That was a discovery Wonshik never wanted to forget.

"I'm— I'm—," he stuttered, unable to think straight anymore. "Fuck."

"So, you want to fuck?"

And there it was: the smile and the laugh Wonshik loved so much, the smile and the laugh that made his heart pick up every time.

"I'm— you... I just, I mean," Wonshik took a deep breath. "Do I really need to... decide?"

Hongbin got off him, unbuttoning his jeans and taking them off, leaving Wonshik only a second to take in the bulge in his underwear before climbing back up on the bed, straddling Wonshik's hips, his ass meeting a spot it really shouldn't have.

"No, ah! Oh, my God, please, don't sit there!" Wonshik jabbered, jerking up and grabbing Hongbin's waist, earning himself a grin he half hated, half loved.

Hongbin bent over to kiss his jaw, and then his chin, going up to his mouth and swallowing Wonshik's miserable groans whenever he moved just... just wrong—wrong enough to send Wonshik close to the edge. He barely let himself keep his hands on Hongbin, his grip gradually loosening on Hongbin's waist until he found himself caressing the expanse of Hongbin's back, skin smooth and damp with sweat under his fingers, and Hongbin grinded down, making Wonshik gasp.

He did it again, carefully, testing the waters—he choked on air and lowered his head, resting it in the crook of Wonshik's neck, panting, pressing small kisses there and giving him some love bites, driving Wonshik crazy. He moved his hips again, and again, and Wonshik's hand had now slid down to his butt, fingers dipping into textile and flesh and muscles, trying to hold onto Hongbin, to hold onto reality, but it was too good, felt too nice, and if there was something better coming after this, he was willing to chase it.

Hongbin was coming undone in his arms, shuddering against him, unsuccessfully trying to hide his misery by pressing his lips to Wonshik's throat, keening quietly. He curled his fingers into Wonshik's stomach, his nails breaking the skin, and that was what made Wonshik's sounds die in his throat, hotness coursing through him like he had swallowed scalding water. Yet Hongbin was still moving, feverish skin burning Wonshik's own; it was not enough for him, no matter how he was falling to pieces above him.

Wonshik reached down between their bodies, tugging down Hongbin's boxers, and touching him through the warm wetness he had never felt on anybody but himself, and still, still, this felt so right, felt like he could do it anytime again, anytime, as long as it was Hongbin.

It took his unskilled wrists three flicks, and Hongbin sobbed into his neck, his stomach twitching against Wonshik's, hips stilling slowly until he was just breathing raggedly over the curve of Wonshik's clavicle.

Wonshik took his hand out of Hongbin's underwear (wiped the sticky come into the side of his sheets, deliberately not thinking about having to hide them from his mother and washing them in secret), hugging Hongbin to himself with one arm, the fingers of his other hand running through Hongbin's damp but soft, curly hair, caressing and combing through the locks.

For a long time, Hongbin showed no signs of wanting to get away from Wonshik—which would have been quite perfect—, the only indication that he hadn't fallen asleep was his eyelashes moving against the column of Wonshik's neck, leaving there the tiniest of butterfly kisses.

"Was this wrong?" he asked quietly after some minutes, shifting so he was lying next to Wonshik now, head sliding down to Wonshik's chest.

"I don't know," Wonshik said honestly, unable to word his own chaotic thoughts, but attempting to do so nevertheless. "I mean, it was... really good." Everything he had ever wanted, he would've liked to say, but it just wasn't time for him to confess now, he knew Hongbin would have freaked out, and even more so if Wonshik told him he had no idea what he felt, but there was definitely _something_. "You— you think so, too, right?"

"If this feels so good, I can't even imagine the real thing," Hongbin said, and laughed nervously, the alcohol long worn off. Wonshik huffed in agreement. "But now..." Hongbin continued, swallowing loudly, "I have no idea what we're going to do now. Are we supposed to freak out?"

Wonshik's hand halted in his hair. "What do you mean?"

"It's just that people always freak out when they have sex with a friend," he said, and Wonshik would have given a lot to be able to see his face then, to be able to read what he was really thinking, how he was really feeling. "They panic they fucked something up. But I don't think we fucked it up. Do you?"

He finally moved away and looked up at Wonshik; large, beautiful eyes blinking tiredly, an inquiring shine glinting in them.

"I don't know," Wonshik replied. "I don't really... know how this works, but, I'm okay. I was okay with it. If— if you were okay with it, too."

"Would you do it again?"

Wonshik felt himself flush deeper than he already was; it was this question he wanted to avoid until he wasn't sure about Hongbin's thoughts.

"It was nice, Bin," he said. "Of course I'd— ugh." Hongbin was still staring at him, and Wonshik knew he was not going to let this go, so he sighed and said, "Yeah, I'd do it again."

A contented smile appeared on Hongbin's face, but he didn't reply, only put his head down on his assigned pillow, and almost immediately fell asleep, leaving Wonshik alone with his thoughts tied up into knots he couldn't possibly unravel on his own.


	2. II

It took Wonshik four weeks to realize that something had gone terribly wrong between the two of them.

It hit him hardest when he was holding Hongbin tight for the sixth time, hands wrapped around Hongbin's middle, standing between his legs while Hongbin was propped up on top of Wonshik’s desk, both of them reeking of alcohol, and Hongbin's hair forming a bird's nest. He was sucking hickeys into the skin of Wonshik's neck, pressing up against him as close as he could; an old, worn T-shirt hanging from his right shoulder which Wonshik had marked with his teeth a few minutes before. The bruises would turn purple by morning, and Hongbin would complain, but Wonshik would tug the collar of his shirts down for the coming few days to marvel at them.

Hongbin lifted his head and kissed him roughly, with more teeth than tongue, fingers pulling at Wonshik's hair until it really hurt. He let go of Wonshik after what felt like an eternity, eyes unfocused and his lips dark red.

"Let's do this right," he said in a hoarse voice Wonshik only heard from him when he caught a nasty cold.

Wonshik took a step back, staring at Hongbin like he suddenly turned into an alien. "You mean you want to— to—"

"Yes," Hongbin nodded, grabbing Wonshik’s shoulders to balance himself while he jumped off the desk. He put a hand on Wonshik's chest and backed him up until the backs of Wonshik's legs hit the frame of the bed, his knees buckled and he ended up sprawling on the mattress.

"Hongbin," he breathed, but Hongbin was already climbing on top of him, suppressing whatever he wanted to say with his mouth for a few seconds. "Hongbin... Hongbin-ah!"

Hongbin pulled back and cocked an eyebrow at him, stunned by how loud and commanding Wonshik sounded, making Wonshik blush at the realization of his harshness.

"What's wrong?" Hongbin asked. "If it's about condoms—"

"It's not about... It's not." Wonshik struggled to sit up, jostling Hongbin who thought it was better for him to sit on the mattress, his face still reflecting utter confusion. Wonshik reached out, placing a hand on Hongbin's right forearm, caressing it with his thumb, and Hongbin eyed it like Wonshik would eye a particularly ugly insect. "Can we just talk a little?"

"Talk?" Hongbin echoed. "You might not have noticed it, but we're in the middle of _something_."

"This... is what I want to talk about."

There was silence for a few beats, Hongbin's eyes boring into Wonshik's, and then, very slowly, Hongbin furrowed his brow.

"No," he said, pulling his arm away and scooting to the edge of the mattress. "What would you even want to talk about?"

"It's just that I'm not sure if... if we should keep doing this," Wonshik muttered. "I feel like it's... messing up everything."

"What, you have feelings for me now?"

It was like a punch in the chest, the baleful tone of Hongbin's voice tearing at Wonshik's heart, and he blushed, felt pressure build in the back of his throat. He looked away.

"Oh, my God," Hongbin groaned, making Wonshik feel like shit. "Seriously? Wonshik, seriously?"

Wonshik looked up at him and tried not to choke on the words as he said, "Yes, fucking seriously. It's not like I _wanted_ to— to think more of this than it apparently really was."

He averted his gaze again, only seeing from the corner of his eye that Hongbin stood up, zipping up his jeans and buckling his belt.

"I have no idea what to say," he said, as impassionate as one could be. "If I knew it would turn into this, I would've just—"

"Would've just gone to Jaehwan?" Wonshik asked sarcastically.

"Yes."

Wonshik laughed with no happiness, even though the last thing he wanted to do in that moment was laugh. "Great," he said. "Go if you want, I won't try to hold you back. I couldn't do that anyway."

"Yeah, you couldn't." Hongbin sniffled angrily. "And I'll do just that."

He took his phone from the desk and left Wonshik's bedroom, rudely slamming the front door of the house after himself.


	3. III

It was simply painful to realize just how empty Wonshik's life was without Hongbin filling up every minute of it. Painful and miserable.

Wonshik was lying in his bed, staring at the shadows on the ceiling casted by various items his bedside lamp illuminated around his room and wished he could do the same with Hongbin's arm pressing uncomfortably into his own, listening to Hongbin's sometimes silly, sometimes inappropriate, but nevertheless funny jokes.

He dragged his palm over his face, trying to clear his head somewhat before he took his phone from the nightstand and opened his contacts, pressing call when he found Jaehwan's number.

It took Jaehwan four rings to finally answer it.

"Yeah?" he panted into the phone unwelcomingly.

"Jaehwan can we—"

"Oh, Wonshik," Jaehwan said hurriedly. "Can we talk in... ten minutes?" Jaehwan paused, and a moment later, "Maybe twenty— ow, shit." There was the sound of shifting, of rustling, of Jaehwan talking to someone in a muffled voice, and then, Wonshik heard a bubbly laugh in the background, one he loved and hadn't heard in more than a week. Hongbin's laugh suppressed every thought Wonshik would have wanted to utter to Jaehwan, through the phone.

Wonshik hung up, his hand falling back onto the mattress with his phone between his fingers still, tears like small needles prickling the backs of his eyes. He rubbed at them with a fist, tried to press the tears back to where they wanted to erupt from, but his eyes were burning and there was nothing he could do against the crying.

He hated Hongbin from the bottom of his heart, hated how he could be so detached and how he could just spread his legs for whoever was available in a 25-mile radius, but he missed Hongbin, too; his curly hair tickling the side of Wonshik's neck at night, his hoarse voice in the morning when he asked for tea, even the way he laughed when he was being an asshole mocking Wonshik's fashion choices. All he really wanted to do was stand face to face with Hongbin and yell at him until he lost his voice.

It was the ringing of the doorbell that woke Wonshik hours later, eyes sticky with dried tears and his nose feeling stuffy, a headache pounding behind his temples. He sat up slowly, wondered if whoever was outside of the door would leave by the time he'd reach it, but he padded out into the hall nevertheless, rubbing at his face.

On the porch he found Hongbin, standing there with his shoulders pulled up to his ears, head lowered, and crackling his knuckles with his thumbs on both hands. He shuffled a little when Wonshik opened the door, and then looked up with red-rimmed eyes and his lower lip jutting out in a miserable pout. Wonshik didn't think he looked like a bouquet of daisies either, but if anything, Hongbin looked even worse, like he had been crying for hours instead of blacking out after a few sobs like Wonshik had done.

They stared at each other for long seconds, Hongbin's lower lip quivering and his dimples digging into his cheeks sadly, the entire boy looking incredibly small.

“Can we talk?” he asked finally, quieter than he had ever been.

“I thought you didn’t like talking,” Wonshik replied, but there was less venom in it than he had intended to include. Hongbin averted his eyes anyway, with a strange glossiness in them.

Wonshik stepped away from the doorway and Hongbin took his shoes off, walking into Wonshik's bedroom like he had been invited in. He never needed to be invited in, really.

Wonshik followed him into the room, closing the door after himself and standing idly by the wall as he watched Hongbin try to scratch off a dried stain of white paint from the surface of his desk. It had been there since Wonshik had been small; he didn’t even remember how it had got there anymore. Hongbin sniffled, looking down at his own shaking fingers.

“You were at Jaehwan's just now,” Wonshik said in a hoarse voice, and he might have imagined it, but it seemed like Hongbin winced. He made an involuntary move with his head, tipping it to the side for a second, but it only made Wonshik notice the hickey on his neck. Wonshik bit his lower lip to keep from screaming at Hongbin. “Talk if you want,” he said, and passed Hongbin to sit on the edge of his bed before his knees would give in under him.

“I’m—” Hongbin took a deep, shuddery breath and sniffled again, wiping his eyes into the shoulder of his shirt. “I’ve been missing you and— and I don’t want you to hate me, and I’m just so… I know it’s not enough if I say I’m sorry,” he explained to the paint stain, “but I need you now and I can’t be away from you. Not now.”

Wonshik swallowed hard, trying to calm his excited heart and prevent himself from nursing false hopes.

“What’s now?” he asked.

Hongbin looked up at last, a swift movement of his eyes in the general direction of Wonshik's face, and then pushed away from the desk, sitting down next to Wonshik tentatively. He scooted closer a millimetre, lifting his hand from the mattress, his fingers hovering in the air for a moment before they crept into Wonshik's lap and he covered Wonshik's hand with his palm. His skin was icy cold despite the humid heat of the bedroom, his touch unpleasant. Wonshik watched Hongbin’s fingers slowly wrap around his hand, holding it more gently than ever before.

“I think you’re going to be mad at me,” Hongbin said softly. “You’re going to hate me.”

“I’ve been trying to hate you for a week now,” Wonshik sighed. “I haven’t succeeded.”

“This… this is different.”

“If it’s about you sleeping with Jaehwan—”

“It’s not.”

Wonshik glanced up at Hongbin, looked into his wet eyes and saw something broken behind those pretty irises. Hongbin ducked his head again, squeezing Wonshik's hand.

“I mean, it has to do with it, a little,” he said. The pinpricks returned into Wonshik's eyes at the confirmation of his worst nightmare coming true. He had known, in his head, that Hongbin really had gone to Jaehwan that day, he was stubborn and rebellious enough to do that, but it was still bad news for his heart. “Wonshik, I think… I think…” Hongbin sighed. “I think I’m in love with Jaehwan.”

There was a moment of stillness, Wonshik's spine stiffening and coldness coursing through his entire body. His hand jerked in Hongbin's hold, prompting Hongbin to tighten his fingers around Wonshik's palm, stopping him from standing up and running away. Wonshik didn’t feel like he would be able to move, anyway.

“I’m telling you, because…” Hongbin made a choking noise, pitch going up. “I’m telling you because you’re the— the only one who understands me, and I’m just… I told Jaehwan and he…” his voice broke again, “he laughed at me and threw me out.”

Wonshik stayed perfectly still, chest feeling like it was full of heavy stones pressing down on his lungs, on all of his organs, and he wanted to throw up. A tear fell on Hongbin's thumb. It was Wonshik's.

“I just thought…” Hongbin went on despite Wonshik wanting him to _shut the fuck up_. “I thought we could… maybe, if you were wrong back then, if you just thought you had feelings for me and it wasn’t how… how it really was, if you still wanted to be my friend…”

“I’ll always be your friend.”

Hongbin's head snapped up and Wonshik felt his stare on his face, but didn’t look at him. He wiped at his nose with the back of his free hand.

“I need you, Wonshik,” Hongbin said, pressing even closer to Wonshik's body, leaning into his side and resting his head on Wonshik's shoulder, his forehead fitting perfectly into the curve of Wonshik's neck. “It hurts so much.”

Wonshik loved him in every way possible, from the very bottom of his heart, and it hurt, it hurt him too, to see Hongbin so broken, and to know that Hongbin had the same feelings for Jaehwan that Wonshik had for him. He let out a small, voiceless laugh at the absurdity of the teenage drama his life had become over the course of a month and a half.

He reached up with a hand, caressing Hongbin's hair, running his fingers through the curly locks.

“I know it hurts,” he said, lacing his fingers with Hongbin's.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to talk to me about any of my stories or just vixx in general on [tumblr](http://hongbab.tumblr.com/), [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hongbab) or [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1061753) ♡ please support me on [ko-fi.com](https://ko-fi.com/hongbab) if you can ♡


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